There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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