Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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