my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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