I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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