I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
