im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
