OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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