how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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