I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Randomize
