Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
