Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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