I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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