just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
