i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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