i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
