I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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