I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
