Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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