Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
