we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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