Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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