Just took my morning after pill in the library
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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