So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
either way he was missing a nipple.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
