so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Banned from zoo.
Again?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
