Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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