Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
