Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
