God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
