so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
