I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
