remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
