Banned from zoo.
Again?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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