I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
