Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
