Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
