More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
