Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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