i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
