It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize