Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
