He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
where are my eyebrows?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
