Do you still have your period?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
