We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
