I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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