I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have fence marks all over my body
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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