You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
