Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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