I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
