All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
