Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize