Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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