Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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