I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
