if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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