How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize