I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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