Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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