I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
