My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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