I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i believe in u and ur pee
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