you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize