The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
