wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yo dont text me then not text me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
