So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
