everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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