Already got asked if we're dating
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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