Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize