I looked at my own cervix.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
