id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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