I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
