And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
