Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's the barista slut.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize