SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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